Hobbits in America
by Samhoku
Summary: This is a story about what might happen when a Hobbit or 2 come to America. Rated T for mild language
1. Chapter 1

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

Chapter

Merry and Pippin where minding their own business in the Shire. Merry was smoking his pipe. Legolas was also with them.

Pippin said, "I am bored. What kind of mischief can we cause?"

Merry shrugged, "I dunno."

Legolas said, "Why dont we all go over to Bilbo's old house?"

Pippin said sadly, "But Frodo is not their anymore."

Legolas tilted his head, "True."

Pippin said, "We can explore the woods!"

Legolas nodded and they followed Pippin. All the sudden they where fallen on the ground in a road.

They jumped out of the way of a moving vehicle. The person yelled, "What the H***?"

Pippin said to Merry, "What does that mean?"

Merry shrugged, "I dont know..."

They where almost hit by another car. But this car went to a stop.

Pippin yelled, "Now I know what that word means! It is a exclamation of disgust! What The ****"

The man behind the wheel stared at the small person, "My name is John Ross. Are you lost?"

Pippin said, "Nope...Well..."

Merry said, "In a way..."

Legolas said, "Yes."

John Ross said, "Where are you from?"

Pippin piped up, "Middle Earth or the Shire. Have you heard of it?"

John said, "Yes. But only in books."

Pippin said, "Books? Why are we in books?"

Merry said, "We dont have anywhere to stay."

Legolas watched the Hobbits talk to the man as if it wasn't at all unnatural.

John said, "Well you can stay with me."

Legolas said quickly, "We would love to but we need to find our way home."

John smiled, "This is America. You are at least 10 million miles away from home."

Pippin said, "We can stay with you then."

John nodded and said, "Come in." He opened the car door.

Legolas eyed the car suspiciously, "You want us to get in the belly of the beast?"

John blinked rapidly, "In a way yes. Only I am driving this."

Merry got in the car first.

Then Legolas then Pippin.

John said, "Hook your seatbelts."

Legolas asked, "What is a Seat Belt?"

John closed his eyes praying for patience. He turned around and hooked their seatbelts then went back to the front, "Okay. On our way to my home!"

Legolas nodded slowly.

The car drove and they stopped in front of a two story house.

Pippin said with awe, "Are you a Mayor?"

John looked at Pippin, "No. I am a Preacher."

Merry asked, "What is a Preacher?"

John said, "A Minister."

Legolas nodded and got out along with the Hobbits.

John said, "Welcome to my home."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

Chapter

And what a welcome they received!

Three females where in the kitchen yelling at each other and cooking. And two teenage boys where playing boxing on a Wii.

John said, "Kids!"

All the kids looked at him.

The two Teenage boys came out. The first one looked down at the Hobbit, "You are short."

Pippin said, "No you are just freakishly tall."

John snickered as his son blinked.

John said, "This is my son Charlie and my other son Jonathan. And these are my daughters Verona and Sally."

Pippin smiled up at Verona and Sally, "Hi."

John said, "And this is my wife Kim."

Legolas asked politely, "How old are all of you?"

Charlie answered, "I am 15 Johnny is 13 my sister Verona is 25 and my sister Sally is 24."

Merry said, "It is nice to meet you all."

John said, "Merry, Pippin, and Legolas will be staying with us."

Verona said, "Merry...Pippin...and...Legolas. Interesting names."

Sally shrugged and went back to the Kitchen, "Oh well we have 3 more people to feed. How long are they staying again?"

Verona face palmed, "Sally..."

Legolas was very indignant.

Merry and Pippin perked up at the word "Feed".

Pippin followed Sally, "Oh yes Feed me."

Johnny went back to the Wii along with Charlie.

Pippin and Merry where being unhelpful in the Kitchen.

Legolas was talking to John.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile  
><strong>

Chapter

Sally chased Pippin and Merry out of the Kitchen, "Out little heathens! I need to help cook dinner! ARRRGGHHHH"

Pippin and Merry hid behind Legolas trembling. Legolas however was very amused.

John looked at Sally, "Sally what are you doing?"

Sally replied, "I am trying to cook!"

John nodded slowly then looked at Kim and Verona who both had rolling pins, "Pippin...Merry I suggest you stay away from the kitchen."

Charlie and Johnny where trying not to laugh.

Charlie was 5ft 8in at 15 years old. He was a little shorter then Leg-O-Lamb.

Johnny however was only 5ft 4in. So he had fun with the Hobbits.

Sally was back in the kitchen fuming.

Verona and Kim where both boiling water and Sally was finishing peeling potatoes.

A Great Dane came in and stared at the Hobbits. Beulah smiled her doggy smile at them.

Pippin said compleatly awed, "Biggest...Dog...Ever."

Merry smiled weakly, "I remember when dogs where smaller."

Charlie said, "Beulah won't hurt you. She is a Gentle Giant."

Pippin hugged Beulah, "I like you."

Merry hid from Beulah, "Well I don't."

Legolas patted Beulah, "Good dog."

Beulah let a small woof.

Sally came out and started setting the table.

Legolas blurted out, "Why is your hair red?"

Sally looked at the confused Elf, "Because it is."

Legolas asked, "But how?"

Sally said, "I was born that way."

Legolas nodded and looked at Verona, "Why is your hair so curly?"

Verona said, "Because I was born that way."

Legolas looked from Verona to Sally, "Are you two twins?"

Verona burst into laughter and went back into the kitchen.

Sally said, "No. We are not twins."

Legolas nodded and went back to talking to John.

Sally shook her head and finished setting the table


	4. Chapter 4

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile  
><strong>

Chapter

Sally said, "Dinner is ready!"

There was a loud scramble and Pippin and Merry where the first too the table.

Charlie and Johnny sat down also.

John and Legolas both went to their seats in a more dignified manner.

Sally shook her head, "Lets all kill each other in the mad rush for food."

Verona started serving everyones plates, "Hungry little guys."

Kim sat down.

Soon everyone was served and John bowed his head and said Grace for everyone.

Pippin was eating his food during the praying. Sally tapped Pippin's hand scolding.

Merry shut his eyes tight until it was done. As soon as John said, "Amen" the Hobbits attacked their food.

Sally and Verona watched in amazement.

Charlie scooted his plate and chair away from Pippin. Johnny did the same.

Kim and John ate their food but also watched the Hobbits.

Legolas ate quietly and wondered why all these people acted as if it where strange that Hobbits ate so much.


	5. Chapter 5

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile  
><strong>

Chapter

Sally cleared the table, "Who wants to help me with the dishes?"

Verona raised her hand along with Charlie. Sally nodded and went to the kitchen with her siblings.

Kim smiled at Legolas, "Where are you and your children from?"

Legolas blinked, "Pippin is 28 and Merry is 32."

Kim's eyes got big, "I am so sorry."

Legolas grinned widely, "Thats okay Lady Kim."

Kim covered her mouth her eyes brimming with laughter, "You can call me Miss Kim."

John smiled then looked at the Hobbits, "Are either of you married?"

Pippin said proudly, "I am engaged."

John smiled widely, "Congratulations!"

Merry grumbled, "And he never stops talking about it."

John laughed loudly.

* * *

><p>Sally looked at Verona, "They scare me."<p>

Verona rolled her eyes, "They are just strange."

Charlie grinned, "I like them." His brown eyes where dancing happily, "They are so cool."

Verona looked up at her brother, "When did you grow again?"

Charlie rolled his eyes expressively.

Sally said, "I like the small people. The taller one seems like he is 100 years old."

Verona chuckled, "Do you know who he reminds me of?"

Sally looked at Verona, "Who?"

Verona splashed Sally with water from the sink, "YOU!" Verona laughed and ran.

Sally chased Verona out of the kitchen.

Charlie kept washing dishes. He sighed, "It seems to me like I will be stuck washing dishes again all alone."

Johnny came in, "I will help. Those short guys are nuts."

Charlie laughed, "No kidding? I couldn't tell!"


	6. Chapter 6

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile  
><strong>

Chapter

Legolas watched with a amused expression on his face as Sally chased Verona. Sally caught her older sister and held her still as she dropped a ice cube down her back.

John said to Legolas, "Yes this is a every day occurring."

Legolas laughed.

Charlie and Johnny came out and sat next to the Hobbits on the couch and watched Verona and Sally wrestle each other. Sally obviously winning.

Johnny cheered, "Get'er Verona!"

Charlie laughed and said, "Sal is winning though."

Verona grinned wickedly and tickled Sally.

Sally laughed and fell trying to escape, "Verona Stop!"

Verona laughed, "Never!"

Sally escape and hid behind Charlie, "Help me!"

Charlie put his hand on Verona's head, "Hello short stuff."

Verona glared at Charlie, "I am 25. I outrank you."

Charlie snickered.

Merry looked at Pippin, "I outrank you Pippin."

Pippin grinned smugly, "I am engaged. I outrank you."

Legolas laughed at the Hobbits.

Kim shook her head and went into the kitchen, "Who wants to help me make cookies?"

Pippin, Merry, Verona, Charlie, and Johnny jumped up and followed Kim.

Sally sat down next to John, "Whew."

John said, "Your hair is out of the bun."

Sally swiftly fixed her hair, "Thanks Dad."

John smiled and said, "What did Verona do?"

Sally grinned, "I am not allowed to insult guests directly."

John face palmed and looked at Legolas, "I am sorry about all this."

Legolas replied, "No it is very amusing."


	7. Chapter 7

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile  
><strong>

Chapter

Sally was taking all the guests shopping.

Sally said to the Hobbits, "I am taking you to the Childrens section...Like uh...Toddler section."

Pippin wasn't sure whether or not to be insulted.

Merry thought it was funny.

Legolas asked, "Where are you taking me?" He looked very amused.

Sally looked up at Legolas thoughtfully, "The extra tall area."

Legolas raised his eyebrows.

Sally looked back at the Hobbits and had them go to the kids area. She realized that it would not do...So she went but to a employee and asked, "Is there a place for Extra Short People that you know about?"

The Employee looked at the Hobbits, "Go in the Adult section. You should be able to find something for them."

Sally shrugged, "Thanks for nothin'."

Sally walked away and took nearly an hour to find the right clothes, "Okay guys look through these." Then she looked at Legolas, "You will be next."

Legolas asked, "Is that a threat?"

Sally ignored him and helped Pippin and Merry with reaching stuff.

Legolas tried not to laugh. He found it amusing how Sally could just snuff him like that.


	8. Chapter 8

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile  
><strong>

Chapter

Sally found clothing for the Hobbits. Her next victim was Legolas. Sally took him to the Extra tall area.

Legolas was looking around. He asked, "Why do you...Americans...Wear these clothes?"

Sally said dryly, "Because if we did not we would all be running around stake naked."

Legolas blinked rapidly, "Okay."

Sally said, "Now look for clothes."

Legolas looked around and finally found some clothes.

Sally said, "Over there is called a dressing room. Use it."

Legolas gave her a strange look.

Sally said, "You try on the clothes and tell me how they fit."

Legolas nodded and went to the doors. He locked it and tried on the clothes.

Legolas changed back into his normal clothes and said, "They fit."

Sally said, "Good. Lets go pay for these."

Pippin said, "I like these clothes."

Merry said, "They are very comfortable."

Sally smiled and took them to the paying line.

Mrs. Rose said, "Oh hello Sally. Who are these people?"

Sally said, "This is Legolas and Pippin and Merry."

Mrs. Rose said, "Oh nice to meet all of you."

Legolas, Merry, and Pippin bowed slightly.

Mrs. Rose laughed in surprise, "Oh my."

Sally payed for everything then went to the car. She said, "Well I am glad you all enjoyed that."

Legolas smiled, "Hm."

Sally said to Pippin quietly, "He is like a little old man."

Pippin laughed hysterically and Merry shook his head.


	9. Chapter 9

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile  
><strong>

Chapter

Sally went inside and opened the door for the Hobbits and Elf.

Legolas smiled at John, "Your daughter enjoys snuffing people."

John grinned at Sally, "You been snuffing him?"

Sally shrugged, "Ignoring is a better word."

Pippin grinned widely, "She said he acted like a little old man."

Sally face palmed.

Legolas looked at Sally a very amused look on his face, "Oh did she?"

Merry laughed and fell over.

Sally walked away, "I deny all knowledge of this act."

John laughed animatedly.

Kim shook her head and watched Sally leave.

Lagolas said, "Well then...Hello Miss Kim."

Kim smiled, "Hello Legolas. Did Sally do well?"

Legolas shrugged, "She had me pick by myself. She helped the Hobbits."

Kim tilted her head, "Hobb- Oh you mean Pippin and Merry."

Legolas nodded and said, "I think they like there clothes."

Kim nodded, "Thats good."

Verona came out and put the laundry down, "The dog tried to kill me."

Kim smiled then called, "Beulah! Come here darling."

The Great Dane trotted up and smiled doggishly.

Kim hugged Beulah, "Good girl."

Verona looked irritated, "Good girl? Good girl? GOOD GIRL? She tried to kill me!"

Sally came out and laughed at Verona, "Yeah right. She probably tried to hug you and you fell."

Kim and Legolas laughed along with John. All three of them knowing that Sally was probably correct.


	10. Chapter 10

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile  
><strong>

Chapter

Sally showed the Hobbits and the Elf to their room.

Sally said, "This is where you three are staying."

Legolas said, "Thank you Lady Sally."

Sally shrugged and walked away.

Pippin said, "She snuffed you again."

Legolas laughed and they went in their room.

* * *

><p>Sally was listening to a song called Tombstone on her computer.<p>

Legolas asked, "What are you listing too?"

Sally said, "It is called No Tombstone."

Legolas nodded slightly.

Sally said, "It is good."

Pippin was break-dancing along with Charlie to the song.

Legolas looked disturbed, "What are they doing?"

Sally replied, "Break dancing."

Legolas asked, "Is this um...Normal?"

John came out and asked, "What is normal anyways?"

Sally's eyes got big with sarcasm, "Stay away from me. I might catch your normal."

Verona giggled from where she was reading a book.

Johnny asked from the Kitchen, "Am I stuck making Lunch today?"

Pippin and Merry jumped up enthusiastically, "We will help!" They ran into the Kitchen.

Charlie chuckled, "Oh man...Poor Johnny."

Sally said, "Poor Charlie...His birthday is tomorrow. He will be 15."

Charlie eyed Sally, "How is that Poor Charlie?"

Sally replied, "That is when we get to break out the embarrassing videos."

Legolas watched this dialog with slight interest.


	11. Chapter 11

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile**

**Hey Y'all. I am sorry that I have not written. Been busy taking requests on Fan-Fictions to write for people. Thinking of new ideas and such. (; Will be adding lots of humor.  
><strong>

Chapter

Oh yeah those video's where embarrassing.

Legolas did not blame Charlie for blushing bright red.

Charlie tackled his sister before she could get another video in.

The last one had Charlie and Johnny yelling, "Pee Pee race" when they where 5 and 7.

Legolas watched the hobbits as they laughed. They had been laughing for an hour.

Verona said, "Eh. Well I am getting the Birthday cake."

Legolas asked, "What is a..._birthday _cake?"

Sally gasped, "You dont know what a birthday cake is? You have been deprived my good man!"

John mumbled, "She needs to be deprived."

Sally glared at her father, "Ha. Ha. Ha."

Legolas grinned widely, "She is not that bad."

Sally said, "That is because of the devil Wii fit."

Legolas asked, "What on earth is that?"

Sally replied with great drama, "It is a evil thing that checks how much you weigh then tells you that you are fat. Then it tells you that you are 50!"

Legolas covered his mouth and tried to look serious, "Really."

Sally glared at him, "Yes. Really."

Verona sang, "Here comes the bride!" Then she said to Legolas, "You may Kiss Sally who is the bride!"

Sally kicked her sister, "Shut up."

Legolas (who was not sure what that meant) raised his eyebrows.

Charlie grinned, "She is implying that you and Sally will get married. By the way you are arguing I would not rule it out."

John boy chuckled and left the room, "Well I will leave while I am still young and dont need to be maimed by my sister."

* * *

><p>Legolas watched as the Hobbits where on a Sugar high.<p>

Pippin was talking a hundred miles per hour, "?"

Marry replied, "yeahicouldreallyuseagoodwife. allthewomenherearereallytall. itwillbeimpossibletofindawife."

Legolas looked at Sally, "I have no clue what they are saying."

Sally had recorded it and she played it back slowly.

Pippin: You know I really wish that their where hobbits here because i could really use a wife how about you Marry?

Marry: Yeah I could really use a good wife. all the women here are really tall. It will be impossible to find a wife.

Legolas laughed.

Sally asked seriously, "How old are they really?"

Legolas said, "In their 30s."

Sally asked again, "How old are you? Really?"

Legolas replied carefully, "3400 years old."

Sally gasped, "You are kidding?"

Legolas shook his head, "No. I am not kidding."

Charlie came in along with Johnny, "Sally a guy is looking for big and ugly and small and uglier."

Sally glared and walked to the door, opened the door, slammed it while saying, "We dont want any."

Gandalf and Eomer glared at the door. Gandalf looked at Eomer. Eomer kicked down the door.

Verona looked at the door, "Mr. You are paying for that door. And you will or you will die. I can promise you that."


	12. Chapter 12

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile**

**Yeah by the last chapter you can guess who those two boys are based after. (:**

**Sorry about the late update. I had no insperation for this story...please PM me ideas if you see that it is taking a long time.  
><strong>

Chapter

Mr. Ross sighed, "Verona he was frustrated like most men can get. He has no American money so he cant buy a door."

Verona and Eomer where having a glaring contest.

Gandalf asked, "Pray tell where are we?"

Mr. Ross said, "America...Earth...Texas?"

Sally rolled her eyes and said, "I am going to work...You coming Leg-o-lamb?"

Legolas stared at Sally, "Whats that?"

Sally grumbled, "Never mind. Just come with me."

Legolas followed Sally, "I am coming."

* * *

><p>Pippin and Marry where looking at a toy train. Pippin asked quietly, with slight fear, "What is it?"<p>

Charlie grinned evilly, "It is possessed by an evil spirit."

Marry said, "RUN!" He took off away from the train.

Pippin followed Marry's lead.

John Boy stared at Charlie, "That was evil."

Charlie grinned, "Oh yeah...It was fun."

* * *

><p>Eomer said, "Fair Lady Verona. How is your day?"<p>

Verona ignored him, set his food in front of him, and said, "Eat." Her eyes where flashing evilly.

Eomer knew this would be a long week...


	13. Chapter 13

**Hobbits in America**

**By Samhoku**

**(I do not have the Imagination so I cannot have written the books.)**

**I have a picture for Sally in my profile**

**Argh sorry about the update again. I just re-read this story and I need to update dont I? *slaps own hand* Bad Sammie. But now I have time. (: I love Feedback by the way...Anyone for feedback? I will give you cookie. *innocent smile*  
><strong>

Chapter

Sally went to her work. She was a secretary for her Grandfather. Legolas was introduced to the redneck Grandfather.

Legolas was told to answer the phone and Sally would be doing the work she was assigned to on the computer. But she forgot one thing...People from Middle Earth do NOT have phones.

The phone started ringing and Legolas stared at it. Sally looked at Legolas, "Pick it up."

Legolas picked it up and held it like L in Death Note. He said, "Hello? Um...Howard Car Repair?"

A man said, "Hello I need to speak to Mr. Howard?"

Legolas said, "He is currently occupied. May I take a massage?"

Sally growled, "Message you moron." She snatched it from Legolas and said, "Hello?"

The man said, "Mr. Howard has a tractor that I was buying. May I speak to him?"

Sally said sweetly, "Of course." She went and got her Grandfather. She dragged Legolas into the other room and said, "What was that? Massage? You may not indeed. Message. Not Massage."

Legolas said sheepishly, "I am sorry."

Sally sighed and rubbed her forehead, irritably, "Fine...Just...dont do it again."

* * *

><p>Charlie said to his friend Riley, "This is my two friends Pippin and Marry. They are uh...Midgets."<p>

Riley looked down at them, "Hello. I am Riley."

Pippin smiled, "Hi. I am Pippin. The grumpy one over there is Marry."

Marry growled, "I am not grumpy."

John Boy said, "Anyways...We wanted you to teach them how to skateboard."


End file.
